he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
