omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
