I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
