remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
