have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize