I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
