I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
