guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bring money and cleavage
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
