Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
