i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
