the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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