Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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