I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize