Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
