So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize