i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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