She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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