I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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