I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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