have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
