I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
