The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
