You smell like stripper and shame
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
