my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
