I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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