On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
