He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
