Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
