feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
