I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize