if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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