everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
