so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
