So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
