So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
