I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize