You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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