Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
