Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
