come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
operation have a gay friend backfired
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
