No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize