the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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