It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
