how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
