I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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