i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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