We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
