So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
