Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
