I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
