Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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