Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
