I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
