he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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