We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
