he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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