seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize