I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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