Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
