The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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