3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
