So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
