But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
