I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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