I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
