we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
