my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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