Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
