Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
