So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
