would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
