HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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