I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
