i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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