somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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