she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Blood and glitter go together right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
