he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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