i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
