so that wasnt chicken after all
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
