Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
