chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
