The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
as a side note pls kill me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
