Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
