Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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