How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
