The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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