So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize