Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
