By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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