im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
