I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
