the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
