Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
