my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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