Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
