There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
