So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
