It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize