we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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