Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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