Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
