i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
